Breaking the Illusion of Doership

True Growth Lies Beyond ‘Me’ and ‘Mine’

In the life of an engineer, there’s a certain pride we take in our work. That piece of code you’ve written after countless hours of debugging feels like your masterpiece. It’s like your baby — perfect and untouchable. But then someone points out a bug or suggests improvements, and suddenly it feels personal, like an attack on your identity.

This is something I’ve personally experienced as a tech professional. For the longest time, I used to get defensive when my code was criticised. It wasn’t just about fixing the bug, it was about fixing me. Over time, I realised this attachment to my work — and the illusion that I alone was responsible for its creation — was holding me back.

And it’s not just engineers. Whether you’re a writer, a designer, a teacher, or a business owner, this feeling of “I created this — it’s mine” can become a major roadblock in your journey of continuous improvement. This blog is about recognising and breaking free from this illusion of doership.

Why Do We Get Attached?

When you pour time, effort, and skill into something, it’s natural to feel attached. You feel like the sole creator of your work, so any criticism feels personal. This is the illusion of doership.

As engineers, for example, we often forget how many other factors contribute to our work:

• The frameworks and libraries we use were created by someone else.
• The knowledge we apply is built on years of shared learning in the industry.
• Even the environment we work in — our teammates, tools, and the company itself — plays a huge role.

The truth is, we’re not as independent as we think. Our work is part of a much larger, interconnected system.

The Cost of This Illusion

When we cling to the idea of “I am the creator,” we unknowingly create barriers for ourselves:

• Stagnation: If you take feedback personally, you’re less likely to learn from it. This blocks your growth.
• Stress: Carrying the burden of being the sole doer means you also carry the weight of every failure.
• Ego: Success can inflate our sense of self-worth, making it harder to collaborate or accept other perspectives.
• Complexity: Predicting outcomes or defending actions with the wrong language complicates our lives unnecessarily.

This attachment creates a cycle of pride, insecurity, and unnecessary mental clutter.

How to Let Go of Doership

Letting go doesn’t mean abandoning your responsibilities or becoming indifferent. It means shifting your perspective. Here are some ideas that have helped me:

1. See Yourself as a Collaborator, Not a Creator

Think about this: when someone points out a bug in your code, they’re not attacking you. They’re collaborating to make the product better. When you shift the focus from “my code” to “our project,” criticism feels less personal and more productive.

2. Detach from the Outcome

This idea from the Bhagavad Gita has been life-changing for me: “You have the right to work, but not to the fruits of your work.” Focus on giving your best, but don’t tie your identity to the results.

For example, when a project succeeds, acknowledge the team effort. When it doesn’t, learn from it without feeling like a failure.

By not predicting outcomes, you stay open to surprises — both good and bad.

3. Use the Right Language

The way we speak reflects the way we think. Avoid language that reinforces attachment or ego. Instead of saying, “This is my work,” say, “This is something we built.” Instead of thinking, “What if it doesn’t work out?” say, “Let’s see what happens.”

This shift in language not only simplifies your interactions but also helps you avoid unnecessary stress and defensiveness.

4. Reframe Criticism as Feedback

Instead of thinking, “They found a bug in my code,” think, “They found a way to improve the code.” This subtle shift helps you see feedback as an opportunity rather than a threat.

5. Remember the Bigger Picture

Ask yourself: why are you doing this work? As an engineer, my goal isn’t just to write flawless code — it’s to create solutions that make life easier for people. When you keep the bigger purpose in mind, the small stuff (like a bug) doesn’t hurt as much.

6. Practice Humility

Remind yourself daily that you’re part of a larger system. No matter how skilled you are, your work is built on the efforts of others — be it the tools you use, the knowledge you’ve gained, or the feedback you receive.

Examples Beyond Engineering

This mindset isn’t just for engineers. Think about an artist who paints a masterpiece, only to hear, “This colour feels off.” If they take it personally, they might miss the chance to make the painting even better.

Or consider a business owner. They might feel hurt when someone criticises their strategy, but the feedback could be the key to unlocking greater success.

The truth is, whatever field you’re in, letting go of doership allows you to grow without the burden of ego or fear.

A Simple Practice

Here’s a small exercise I’ve been following:

1. At the start of your day, remind yourself: I am a contributor, not the sole creator.
2. When receiving feedback, pause and ask: What can I learn from this?
3. At the end of the day, reflect on your work and acknowledge all the visible and invisible factors that made it possible.

Final Thoughts

In my journey as an engineer, I’ve learned that the illusion of doership is one of the biggest hurdles to continuous improvement. By letting go of this attachment to “I” and “mine,” you free yourself to learn, grow, and collaborate more effectively.

It’s not about denying your role in your work — it’s about seeing yourself as part of a larger whole. And when you do, you’ll find not just professional growth but also a sense of inner peace and freedom.

So the next time someone points out a bug, don’t see it as a failure. See it as a chance to build something even better.

Speak simply, act consciously, and avoid predicting outcomes — it will make your life lighter and more fulfilling.